I just found out that my boyfriend of almost two years had a sexual relationship with a girl about two years before we met. He said it only happened once, and he then ended the relationship and confessed his sin. He told me this because we are planning to get engaged, and he wanted me to know so that I would have the opportunity to end the relationship. I have no desire to break up with him — I feel he is the man God has for me to marry. However, I am freaking out over the fact that he has been with someone else. How can I overcome this? I understand that he is forgiven and that this sin is no different from any other sin, but I feel betrayed by something he did before we even knew each other.
As I see it, you have two options, the first of which probably flashed through your mind, if only for an instant. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.
That is the measure of whether someone who has admitted past sexual sin is a good candidate for marriage. Not so much what is in his or her past as what is in the present. Is he repentant for what he did? Is he living in a way to ensure purity now? Does he avoid temptation and flee when it appears — or is he prone to encourage it, pressuring you to do the same in the process? The answers to these questions will tell you a lot about if he has moved away from the sins of youth into the kind of maturity that marriage will require.
If your boyfriend has repented and moved on to a more mature faith and walk in Christ, if he has godly sorrow over his sin and over the pain he has caused you, you have a foundation for hope.
Dear All, I am currently dating a girl and i found out that she is not a virgin. As for me through the Grace of God i am. I understand and truly.
Now to your specifics. In your case, he did it only once, repented of it, and esteemed you by waiting until an appropriate time to tell you about it — and then for the express purpose of giving you the opportunity to not proceed with the relationship. That is no small evidence of his character. You also mention you live far apart. Will you be able to live in the same city at some point before getting married?
I think it would be helpful in that it would create the opportunity to go to premarital counseling together. This would be a good issue to talk through with your counselor, pastor or another mature Christian you trust.
Do you have a mentor you could confide in? Ultimately, you have to decide if you can forgive him and then move forward without constantly looking back to the sins of his youth.
Question: "Can/should a Christian who is a virgin marry someone who is not a ideal situation for Christian marriage is, of course, when both parties are virgins. Confessions of a Former Virgin - Erin Davis - Read about Christian dating and get advice, help and resources on Christian single living. We didn't just commit not to have sex; we committed to live our lives for Jesus. I realized that Christ had forgiven me of so much. Before dating or marrying someone who is not a virgin, a lot of discussion, thought, prayer.
We can rejoice in the truth of Psalm that says. One of the issues you could talk through in that context is your grief over your unrealized expectations as well as what it means to forgive and move forward, restored, together.
Christian dating non virgin
If you need the name of a biblical pre-marital counselor or counseling program, feel free to call our counseling department at Focus on the Family for some recommendations. I think we all know at some level that our hyper-sexualized culture may have a toxic effect on our own relationships, even as we do our best to avoid it.
Like the woman you mentioned, my wife had become a new creation. But it was still a painful challenge to deal with the knowledge of her past. Then, there was the let-down of having waited that long to give myself entirely to someone, and wanting her to share the experience of the wedding night as totally unique. Sound familiar?
One reason why these thoughts keep coming to mind for you is probably because you are trying to push them out of your mind without dealing with them. Sweeping them under the rug will allow them to continue bothering you.
As I see it, the solution is not to repress these thoughts but to deal with them by accepting them and lifting them up. Whenever you have these troubling thoughts, take the following steps:. Thank God.Guy Advice to Girls // DATING A VIRGIN
Act against feelings of bitterness and hurt by thanking God for bringing her out of that lifestyle. This will help to keep resentment from infecting your relationship. She just made some poor choices, and most likely regrets them.
Remember that resentment is a choice, not just an emotion. You need to actively reject and uproot it. Offer it up.
My boyfriend is not a virgin. What should I do?
Instead of dwelling on her past and moping over it, lift those thoughts to God when they come to mind. You need to realize the good that the Lord can do through it.
Use your suffering to bring grace to others. This step is very important. Every time a memory comes to mind, I want you to pray for her healing and for their conversions. In other words, let the pain become a prayer.
Live Pure. Resolve to lead a pure life with her. This will infect the wound in your relationship and intensify your insecurities because it will make the thoughts of her past become more visual in your imagination.
Talk to her.
I'm a virgin and am dating a woman who had a bad past, but is really pure I know how you feel, because I was a virgin on my wedding day, but my wife was not. Because of Christ's sufferings, our trials in life have redemptive value when . He was unsure whether or not he should move forward in a relationship with someone who had a . Choosing Marriage Christian Dating Book. Sometimes Christians fall into sexual sin as well and lose their virginity prior to marriage. Although God cleanses us from our sins when we repent, it is still hard .
If the relationship is heading toward marriage, do not be afraid to talk to her about the struggle you are having. It is better that these issues come to the surface before marriage than within marriage. If you do not feel ready for this, perhaps you can speak with a priest or some other counselor you respect without betraying her trust. However, remember that good relationships require open and honest communication.
When you bring up your concerns, make sure not to blame her for the past, but rather express the fact that you want to work through this issue together. Never, ever, hold this over her or use it against her. Instead, share your insecurities, fears, or hurts, and allow her to love you.
This will require some vulnerability on your part and some patience and empathy from her. If your love is strong and forgiving, the two of you will be able to overcome this difficulty. When you do this, do not get very specific with regards to things she did with the guy s.
Ideally, a Christian relationship or marriage will start with both people as virgins, Before dating or marrying someone who is not a virgin, a lot of discussion. In one survey, 77 percent of self-described “fundamentalist Christian” men admitted to premarital sex. With numbers like that, it's hard not to wind up dating. There is clear that need to marry non-virgin? Neither are a non-christian is not washing of a christian to dating, maintain a non-christian world means hitting, and.
Such information will do more harm than good. Previous intimacies of one partner often cause feelings of pain, inferiority, or resentment in the other partner. Talking through your struggle will help you to guard your heart from the poison of unforgiveness.
This will cause her to resent you. I had once heard that a young man approached St. Padre Pio in tears because his girlfriend broke up with him. It is entirely reasonable for you to feel hurt by her past.