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- by Grokree
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Money can't buy you love, and, for that matter, neither can smokin' hot looks or an amazing job or any kind of outside material at all. We all know this, but what are the things that are more important than looks in a relationship. I enlisted a troop of relationship experts, psychotherapists, dating counselors, a life coach and a clinical hypnotherapist to tell me what they hold to be much more vital in relationships than the way a person looks or the number on their bank statement, and their answers were striking. First off, I spoke with experts and nearly all of them had a completely different take on the question. In fact, there was only one thing that was echoed by three different experts: values.
Dammit the hell woman do you at least have a stretch mark or some cellulite? As long as you're sticking to the current argument at hand, then it's all good. Let's hash it out and make up when the game goes off. But for some people, they keep a stockpile of little things to bring up and jump as soon as there's an opportunity to unload.
To me, the only difference between an argument and a debate is 1 is based on fact and the other is based on pure opinion and conjecture. You can gracefully bow out or concede in a debate, but an argument? Man, I'm too old for that kinda stamina. I usually let the woman cook.
The password thing is a slippery slope. Let's say you do give them to her and she finds nothing. Then you choose to change the passwords. She decides weeks later to randomly check up on you only to find out that you've changed your password.
An argument ensues and we're back to 2. Considering I lost my cool with an ex over some photos posted on FB, I've vowed to just not friend my lady. I won't ask her about her digital activity, she doesn't get to ask about mine.
Not every one has integrity which means not every one can be faithful.
Online dating — threat or blessings? Marriage vs live in relationship; Love marriage Vs arranged marriage; Co education Vs single sex. Looking for great debatable topics? This is one of the ultimate debatable topics . Medical Daily reports that research shows women prefer to date men who. There are three topics people SHOULD discuss in the beginning but they often don't What's the difference between an argument and a debate? the hard way that you should have asked early on in the dating process?.
Maybe, Argue? Argument is unhealthy for any relationship. Aim at voicing your opinion, but not in a heated conversation. If necessary wait till the heat pass and your SO is better inclined to listen and reason. Is highly subjective. As a lady, I do realize that some men are comfortable with sharing that privacy with their SO and others are not. If you did that you would be asking for trouble in your relationship.
As long as you are attracted to others and others are attracted to you, being faithful cannot be easy. I personally cannot argue but arguments and disagreements are part of life and aren't deal breakers for me.
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Finding ld a way to reduce them to discussions or debates, is critical though otherwise the relationship cannot survive. If you are in an honest and committed relationship, then sharing passwords shouldn't be a problem but then again if either one of you feels that it is necessary it means you have trust issues and that will always cause problems because there will always be something that looks suspect whether it is or not.
I must say i have an issue with your 3rd comment, people lie ALOT, especially when they know they are gonna get in trouble, so i do think we should understand the task we set to our loved ones when we ask for their blind trust. Its so hard thatswhatshesaid. Bottling up leads to resentment, resentment leads to lack of respect, once you lose respect that opens the door to cheating.
I blame the Patriot Act. No, the fact that I dont tweet has me allegedly suspicious as well. If this is what social media entails…Im best to stay in the lane im already in for real for real! Yeah…being faithful forever has got to be HARD as heck! I think it is hard for both. Especially during the rocky times of a relationship. It is much easier to wonder mentally and emotionally when you are upset. There are plenty of chances to walk away, such as the secret phone calls, the meet up, the clothes coming off, etc.
At some point, you could have walked away. That is why it is best to never go down that road in the first place. We discussed our fidelity records early on. He said, "as a man", it can be difficult not to cheat. It's a choice that's made daily when confronted with attractive women, and love for me is what always does and will make him choose me over some new conquest. The answer made me uncomfortable, because I have no problem being faithful like, it's not even a considerationbut his honesty made me feel confident and I've never worried about him.
Arguing was a BIG part of my last relationship. Like, we disagree on occasion. Mainly silly stuff, though, that dissipates in like 5min. Horrible fights. Fights where my super would have to text us to keep it down or she might call the cops. Not good. Never doing that again. But I also think it's a bad sign if a guy is a grown man and thinks it's legit to never fight.
That means he can't handle differences of opinion, and that is not sustainable. That's silly. If either of y'all are worried about what the other is doing on their social networks, you need to address the real issue, which is that you're worried they're cheating.
DO NOT go down the slippery slope of creeping and stalking and trying to guess first pet names and mother's maiden names to get onto their accounts. Questions I make a point to ask: 1. What do each of us consider cheating? Do you have an interest in a committed relationship?
Your 1 is key. What one considers mindless might bother the other. I can speak to 1 from the male perspective and as someone that used to be a habitual cheater until like college. I attributed to the fact that I could separate the physical from the emotional so who cared?Why Software Engineers Suck At Dating
I recognize this was immature but it is what it was. I find this helps both parties overall especially someone like myself who flirts all the time and thinks nothing of it. I have to check myself sometimes as a means of respect. Precisely the reason I make a point of asking. Some dudes think it's only cheating if your heart's in it, meaning they can do ANYTHING sexually, and it's all good, because, I guess in their minds, it's equivalent to masturbation?
I can't understand that logic, but that's what I'd guess is going on to guys like that. I have a very strident view of cheating and appropriate behavior with the opposite sex while in a committed relationship. Otherwise, why call it committed? I think you hit on a key point in the end of your comment WIM…that resonated with me. Being faithful can be very difficult for some in the beginnings of a relationship or during strains because you have to make a concious decision daily maybe hourly to respect and consider someone else not just yourself.
Some behaviors that I have a lower tolerance for are due to my morals and others are, I admit, are due to personal insecurities. Once we had a discussion about cheating…though it was uncomfortable for me having to reveal my insecurities… it gave him the opportunity to respect me and my feelings and attempt to conciously modify his behavior and it allowed me to identify if the value he placed on me matched the value I placed on myself.
I guess some people find faithfulness difficult to discuss because accountability follows…. I will not be following you so please don't request to follow me. My cellphone is programmed to lock after 3 minutes of idle time, not that I got something to hide it just keeps me from accidentally pocketbook dialing. If you haven't laughed off advances from others then you need to find what works so that you won't be tempted.
Arguing shouldn't necessarily be expected but disagreements will happen. There is a difference though. I'm not of the mindset of "Well what are you hiding? If you want to know something just ask. My recent post Murci, Murci Me. Most wrote a post here about this.
Back in the day I always ended up in situations I had no business being in. All this technology? No reason for us to meet up face to face at 2am under the guise of innocence. I think it's easier for women not to cheat because men are extremely visual. The visual can get them caught up in an instant, whereas women can be attracted to certain men, but his personality and such will play a larger role in the attraction.
I don't know the numbers, but I would venture to say most women cheat with a man they know on some personal level, not a complete stranger. For men, I would say it's the opposite. I don't think arguing is necessary, and like others, I think there's a difference btwn arguing, debating, and simple communication.
If you can't, then you're immature. Therefore, I don't think arguing is necessary in a relationship, but there will be disagreements. Debate I see as more of discussion that involves non-relationship topics that partners have varying opinions.
These also should not escalate into arguments. No exchanging of the passwords. I think that hints at a trust issue, and not trusting me is the bigger problem.
It's not a good idea unless you're married. My recent post 10 Lame Things Rappers Do. No I don't think being faithful is hard. I don't like trying to compare struggles but I will say that I think women may have it more difficult.
I've surveyed exactly one dude on this lol but it seems that women are constantly being given opportunities to cheat since guys like to pursue more than women do. Sure you have the hussies who target married men but IMO women leave the house and that somehow opens a floodgate of thirsty dudes.
I don't think arguing has to be a part of each relationship. It mostly depends on the personalities of the people in it. My husband and I disagree often but we hardly argue.
I agree with Animate upthread. The threshold is lower. The difficulty of being faithful is subjective. To a morally and ethically integrated person, it is quite easy, to a non morally and ethically integrated person, it is hard—it's second nature to this calibre of people. Conflict is natural. Arguing is just the method of expressing this conflict. The depth aggressiveness and frequency of the arguing is what is questionable. If the couple is engaging in serious argument ever so often then I don't think that is natural.
I mean, what could you possibly be arguing about ever so often? I discuss every single thing I want to know and feel is important to me thruout the course of the relationship. I'm pretty up front and don't like to beat around the bush so I ask questions up front.
The ones posted I definitely do discuss. What specifically does that person consider cheating? Have you ever cheated? If so why? Let me see your test results? One ex had his Dr. Don't fall for the "they just told me I was negative, they don't give you anything on paper. Once u start sleeping with a person, both of your sexual history needs to be discussed and both people should be tested.
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Most folks hate discussing their ex's. I always ask folks about ex's and want to hear about their ex and the nature of the relationship and the reason for the breakup and if there is anything unresolved. I think ex's should be discussed because u may be able to pick up on a pattern of some sort that can give u some insight into that person's dating history and the type of people they seem to attract, and be attracted to.
I also ask people what mistakes they feel they made in past relationships, if they have any regrets, and what they would do differently. I want to see if they own up to their part in the breakdown of the marriage, or relationship, or if they put everything on the other person.
STD's and sexual history. Definitely something people need to talk about more but they don't. Many people don't want to know about a persons sexual history.
Deep questions to ask a guy
Again it can give u a lot of insight into that person. Many times there are obvious signs of a persons short-comings. People don't see them because they are either not paying close enough attention, ignoring them, or they haven't asked the right questions. Folks don't ask if the person is straight or had any type of sexual experience with the same sex and you should.
If u don't and u find out later on by default that a person is bisexual then they will say, "I never told you because you never asked. Re to the questions posted — Being faithful is as hard as you make it.
As I was told as a child, "you can do anything u put your mind to. There is nothing wrong with debating and some conflict. It's how you debate and handle the conflict. It boils down to maturity level and being able to "fight fair. If ur not satisfied with something u speak on it and effectively communicate your issues.
You discuss things maturely to come to a resolution and compromise, not just talking to hear yourself talk and always try to win and be right and have the last word. As for the passwords thing, thats about trust. Either u have it completely, or you don't. Where there is no complete trust, there is not much to the relationship. Imo trust is part of the foundation of every relationship.
Is Being Faithful Hard? Trick question. Is arguing a natural part of every relationship? Is your significant other entitled to your social media passwords in a committed relationship? Ish is important if your considering kids for obvious reasons. I had an ex where her mother used to treat her husband like trash.
Like I thought she was crazy. Low and behold, her mother was reacting to dealing with a very high functional achololic. There has to be some compatibility. Like someone said above, a lot of folks are in relationships out of convenience and loneliness.
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Because my loyalty is valuable. Really its either upgrade or love who and how they are. Anything else is a waste of time. Con: With online dating, people often lie about their age, income, family status, weight, height and so on. A person can get very frustrated very quickly. Con: Virtual acquaintances for some can turn into the end of real life communication. These people never go to real-life meetings or cannot stop and make a choice and pick someone: they think that there is a chance to find someone else who is better, more beautiful, etc.
This is a big problem. Do not pin your hopes on such people. Con: For many, this search turns into full-fledged work. You must be able to organize yourself and set limits. Pro: On the best sugar daddy websites there are compatibility programs that help to weed out those who do not fit, and to calculate those who match the best.
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Con: Often, users of such sites search for outside appearance factors like weight or height, or financial success, or living in a classy neighborhood, etc. Thus, they risk missing out on a person who meets their deeper expectations. Anyway, the best approach of all is using the web wisely and combining searches in real life and in virtual space.
The photo. Of course, we all want to appear as perfect as possible, so a slightly edited photo is not a sin. All the same, it is not necessary to transform yourself into another person. After all, you will sooner or later meet with those with whom you communicate. Comfortable communication. If you feel that a person is unpleasant to you at the online stage, the game is hardly worth it.
Life is too short to spend time on those who use are rude, without humor, etc. Personal information. Yes, on the Internet you can meet scammers. Leave personal information private. A new acquaintance does not need to know your exact address, all links to social networks, phone number and bank card.
If he is very persistent, this is an occasion to reflect. It is possible, of course, that the potential partner wants to send you a luxurious bouquet, but is it worth the risk? The personality of the person you may meet or date.