- by Zolozilkree
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I have a 17 year old daughter and she has been lying to us about going out. It's a very long story; to make it short I caught her lying, she was with a boy who is not Muslim he is white, and in short we told her first of all you cant have a boyfriend and second of all he is non Muslim - if you like a Muslim boy bring him to meet us and we will arrange your marriage with him. But she says she wants a boyfriend and doesn't care if he is Muslim or not and this makes her happy. We have argued and told her nicely and also in anger but she is not listening. What should I do? I need some advice on this and how to handle her.
If she doesn't follow you or shows her agressiveness than first of all take help from Salat, than ask your close ones, may be they would support you, and if not than ask at last take help from any Aalim or Istakahra. If you doesn't agree my suggestion than ask any closeone or loveone. I am sure you would be a best mama. Just think about what you did and what you thought about doing when you were years old.
This may help you deal with a very difficult situation. Thinking back to the not-so-distant-past, I remember several girls in my class at school dating horrendously unsuitable boys primarily in order to annoy and get a reaction from their parents - I wonder if this might be a contributing factor?
In her late teens, she may well be recognising the differences between her lifestyle and that of her friends and the "popular culture", and might feel some resentment about what she may see as restrictive rules it can be hard to be different from your friends, whether that's by religious beliefs, physical appearance, health issues, academic achievements.
It might help her to attend Islamic classes, so that she can build up her awareness of Islam and develop the skills she'll need for Islamic studies - why not check if your local mosque or community centre has sisters-only classes, and the two of you could go together? About this boy, if he is not Muslim, he may well not be aware that a Muslimah cannot marry a non-Muslim, but he should still recognise that it isn't healthy for a relationship to be kept secret from a girl's parents.
You mention that he is not Muslim in the same sentence as saying he is white; I'm not clear if you know he is not Muslim or if you have come to that conclusion because he is white - if it's the latter, it might be worth confirming if you are correct, as there are more and more young people of all races accepting Islam.
Your daughter's statement that she wants a relationship because it makes her happy is interesting Is this a general statement or specific to this boy?
It may well not be the boy that is the motivation to stay in a relationship, so much as the feelings of security and affirmation. It might help to look at the family situation to see if anything has changed, or if there are new stresses from school or work, and then try to incorporate time for you all to spend time as a family eg. InshaAllah you may find that this relationship ends of its own accord once your daughter has more stability and confidence in herself, her place in the family, and in Islam.
May Allah guide you all to stay on the straight path. My advised is you may have to cleanse your family honor. You know what that means. I am sorry sister but if what you say is true she is no longer part of the ummah and MUST be sent to Allah right away!!!! Prepare a pillow and some sleeping pills in tea This is how I did it when I was faced. Now my family can walk with our heads held high again!!!
Nick, Your comment is disgusting. You're probably just a troll, but if you indeed did what you say then you are a criminal. If I knew your identity I would report you to the police instantly. As it is, I only ask Allah - if you are telling the truth - to condemn you to Hell for murder, you abysmal sinner. We can ask Allah to condemn others to hell? If this is the case then can I ask Allah to put my parents who passed away as non muslims to heaven?
In order for a girl to have a boyfriend she has to have access to boys. I'm assuming that since you indicate this boy is non-Muslim to your understandingshe must not be attending a strictly Islamic school. Either that, or she met him and perhaps continues to meet him while she is out and about.
My cousin, a Hindu, married a Muslim woman. Her family initially disowned her, eventually came around and wanted back in because grandkids, and the guy's. My adult daughter, who's always been a practicing Catholic, is dating a Muslim man. Young adults attending university often fell in love with non-Tlingit partners. My decision to date a non-Muslim man was tough to get to because I but that didn't happen until I had my daughter, but they don't like that.
Fortunately, you still have control over where she goes and how. If she is meeting him outside of school, then I would advise you to restrict her from leaving the house. The only exception would be going to school or any other classes she attends. Don't let her go out with her female friends alone, don't let her run errands alone, and don't give her free access to a car so she can leave on her own. Insist on accompanying her wherever she must go as much as you are able, and that way she won't possibly be able to talk to boys or interact with them in inappropriate ways.
If you're already doing that, or she is not out of the house much, then I would conclude that she sees him at school and has her "relationship" with him there. In that case, I suggest you put her in a different school, away from him.
My daughter is dating a non muslim
When she's 18, she will have the legal right to move out and do whatever she likes, right or wrong. This is your last chance to fulfill your duties given by Allah to guide her rightly.
She already knows where you stand, and she probably knows all your reasons. Clearly that knowledge is not enough, so she must be compelled to respect your authority with a more rigid structure. She may or may not resume her relationship with him or perhaps another young man when she gets out on her own, but in the mean time you are still accountable to Allah for doing everything you can to help her see the error of her ways. I was brought up in a working-class Pakistani-Muslim household and I had been raised to expect an arranged marriage.Tunisia lifts ban on Muslim women marrying non-Muslims
Growing up, I could not even imagine what it would be like to marry someone out of love rather than duty, and marrying a non-Muslim or non-Pakistani was unthinkable.
I was not that sort of person, but even though I loved Bridget it was hard to believe it was possible our relationship could be anything more than casual. A serious relationship meant marriage and that, I assumed, led to children. Here I had something in common with my family because I too worried about having a child with a dual heritage.
I feared that such a child would be neither one thing nor the other. Parenthood seemed difficult enough without adding further complications. And yet for all my worries I loved your mother too much to let her go and so one night, 18 months after first meeting her, while on holiday in Rome I let love triumph over duty and I asked Bridget if she would marry me.
When I eventually broke the news to my family they were appalled. They called a meeting. I was told I had betrayed the memory of my late father. My family urged me to give Bridget up but I resisted even when they said they would boycott our wedding day in protest. In the end my brother and older sister and their respective families did not attend the wedding, but my younger sister and mother changed their minds and did turn up in August to see me and Bridget become husband and wife.
Laila, I described you as a magical miracle. I saw the first signs of that magic when we brought you home.
I was most struck by seeing your two grandmothers one a year-old Pakistani and the other a year-old Englishwoman who came from different countries and spoke different languages but who were bound together because of their love for a shared granddaughter. It is an Asian stereotype for a parent to wish their child to become a doctor, but even before you can speak you have shown you have the power to heal: my mother, who used to wish for death to release her from the agonies of having an unmarried son, now tells me she thanks Allah that she has lived long enough to see you Laila.
I may be the writer in the family but my mother has her own unique way with words. We named you Laila. We also chose it because it is a name equally at home in Muslim and Western culture. Some people believe it is impossible for Muslims and non-Muslims to live in harmony. I come from Luton, a town that has more than its share of extremists but you, Laila, are living proof of the beautiful reward that can come from seeing beyond race and religion.
Your mother and I come from very different backgrounds and we are still learning how to raise you, our mixed-race and mixed-faith daughter.
As a Christian father, should I give my daughter away at the wedding if she's marrying a non-believer? Over the more than twenty years of our marriage we've . Muslim that lives in which a muslim. For a woman who date muslim boys. India news: my daughter, but a process which. Bill gates daughter to be a way of non. Join Date: Jun ; Posts: My daughter wore hijab since 12 years old, not because we made her (but we were about to have . Another thing, a lot of people have told me that "non-Muslim men want one thing and one.
I grew up in a conservative Muslim family and Bridget was raised by liberal parents. I was brought up believing that parents look after children who in turn look after their parents.
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Bridget believes that one must not place such expectations on children. I was taught that parents have a right to impart their values on to their children; Bridget thinks that children should find their own path. These differences pose challenges: challenges we will meet through compromise.
QUESTION. As-salamu `alaykum. What should a Muslim father living in a Western country do when his daughter marries a non-Muslim man. However, Muslim minorities in the west are more strict they don't allow her to date a non-Muslim. And if she found a great Muslim guy he has to. It's a very long story; to make it short I caught her lying, she was with a a boyfriend and second of all he is non Muslim if you like a Muslim.
Your mother and I have spent the last year learning and changing. Bridget has seen her life change radically she has been with you for practically every waking hour of your life; you have been her world.
That has been a challenge for our marriage sleep deprivation and the sense that there is never any time for us any more have both left their imprint.
I have learnt that parenthood is a series of practical challenges and not a theoretical problem. For all the fatigue and frustrations there is nothing that I would change: I used to look at couples struggling with small children and feel sorry for them; now it is those without children for whom I feel most sorrow.
You have taught me to be a father. My own dad did not have the chance to learn how to be a better parent. He left Pakistan in the early Sixties when my older brother and sister were both under two years old and he only returned home twice on one of those visits I was conceived. I did not grow up being hugged and was never told I was loved. But he lives on in me and he lives on in you. It was one year ago. Laila, in the past 12 months you have learnt to crawl and then stand on your two feet; you have learnt to smile and to wordlessly tell us when you are hungry and, thankfully, you have learnt to sleep through the night.
You have slowly begun to introduce yourself to us: a sociable, self-contained, sometimes comically solemn, relentlessly curious and decidedly strong-minded baby.
You cannot yet speak but the yelp of pure joy you give when you see me for the first time each morning is more expressive than a thousand books. The adventure has only just begun: happy birthday, my beautiful Laila. I can remember a time without you but I can no longer imagine it. Sarfraz Manzoor is the author of Greetings from Bury Park Bloomsbury which he is adapting into a screenplay. Twitter: sarfrazmanzoor.
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