- by Zulusho
- 0 comments
Dude, thank you so much for the question. I turned it into a blog post, because I know a lot of geeks end up in a similar situation. Sure, things may not be going well with her boyfriend, but what are you supposed to do? No secret kisses, or behind the back love affairs going on. Curiouser and curiouser. These are all merely words. Her actions reveal the sad truth about her.
What I've learned is that the thing about the person we love, is that we choose to love and to be committed to them. There are actually many people we could be with, and are compatible with, out there. When we choose "the one," it means we choose to be with this person and accept that even if we meet someone in the future we think we might be good with, we love this person and have chosen them.
Think about who you think you could really show this commitment to and choose that person. If this is really wreaking havoc in your current relationship, then it might be a bad sign that your feelings aren't strong enough for him to show this kind of commitment. That said, I don't know enough about your relationship to give you solid advice, but this is just what I have learned after going through similar problems.
And think hard, and make a decision fast and stick to it, because I've found that the longer I let it drag on, the worse the situation gets. Ah I love this sentiment about choice. I find it to be better than the whole 'we are meant to be together, we're each others destiny' shit. Hey, I've been the "New Guy".
If you want to be with him, be with him. If you want to be with your boyfriend be with him. There is no in between. There is no "we can still be friends". Somebody will be hurt. Make it early so they have time to heal. Please don't fuck over your boyfriend. I've been that guy. I tried to kill myself because of it. I am sorry, and glad you survived your attempt. I understand that losing someone you love hurts, but I don't think it is fair to lay the fault at your ex's feet.
Obviously you were not in a healthy relationship. And cheating sucks. Whether your pain came from losing the woman of your dreams, or from the blow to your self esteem, those issues are rooted in you, not her. I can't say this strongly enough: Neither OP, nor anyone else should ever have to feel responsible for someone else's post break up suicide attempt. That type of guilt should not be thrust upon anyone's shoulders. If you don't understand the amount of emotional blackmail in this sentence, there is no point in talking to you.
If you do understand, then you are a manipulative prick and there is no point in talking to you. Either way, I am done here. Be safe. I can really relate to the both of you. And while I think you're right, I feel like you have a very strong sense of self which enables you to be wise about it. He probably feels an amount of pain and guilt each day that no one should have to experience.
I know cause when I'm in his state of mind I can't think straight - I feel like I'm losing my mind and can't stop myself from feeling like a victim. Now, I never did blackmail someone for leaving me, but shit I wanted to so bad, several times. Also my ex, probably unknowingly, blackmailed me tons after I broke up with him and wouldn't leave me alone. Since then I've realised how truly he loathes himself and how little self-esteem he has.
Doesn't necessarily make him a bad person, just a really troubled one. And I don't think blaming him further is going to help him see more clearly. Sorry for the rant.
Break up with your boyfriend. He deserves someone who feels the same way about him, and you deserve the same. Don't limit yourself.
It's not easy, I know.
Your boyfriend will probably be upset. I can't see how you can go back to him after developing feelings for this guy. End it. While in a relationship you were willing to commit enough of your emotional energy to New Guy that you started to develop feelings.
This is like the plot of the early seasons of The Office. Come to think of it, half the threads here are like that. We were best friends as kids. We would spend every single day together doing whatever. Then she moved away to Los Angeles without telling me. Her dad just kind of packed up and left. I was a senior in high school when she moved back to town. I just happened to see her and started a conversation Five years later, here we are.
I don't view this as the same as a guy trying to pull a girl who he knows has a girlfriend. You two were meant to be together and she realized that only a week after coming back to near you. You weren't out to ruin a relationship or steal another guys girl you just spoke to her. I understand this situation and am very happy for you two. I stand by my statement that a guy trying to get a girl with a boyfriend is a dick.
Not sure how well mine fits in, but it at least partly does.
Like an idiot, I might have just proved her right, because I got quite drunk at a party we were both at, and hooked up with another girl at that party. She then got . And is it acceptable to chase a girl who already has a boyfriend? That's what what kind of person she is — should guide your feelings about her post-break-up. The only problem is this girl has a boyfriend who she's been with for over a if you just wanted a hookup / some casual sex, then boyfriend.
I was kind of pursuing this girl I thought was cute and only later, after we flirted a ton at work, found out that she had a boyfriend. So me and her still hung out, just nothing happened and I never tried to push her into anything. Eventually a few months later her and her long time boyfriend are going through some trouble, they break up, I hear about it a couple of days later and me and her go out to get drinks and I end up getting some rebound action for the next few weeks.
Now she's still single but I've come to realize a lot of things I don't like about her so that whole thing is just done and dead. Her ex actually likes me a lot too which is kind of weird, and his brother is dating one of my best friends and now we're pretty good friends so it's weird all over the place. I'm not sure what she meant by this, care to elaborate?
If she had strong feelings for you why wouldn't you date? Considering the guy was an abusive douchebag, I homewrecked and stayed with the girl for two years. We broke up, but have been in touch for the last 4 or so years with potential to rekindle that flame if the circumstances are ever right. During highschool my first girlfriend had a boyfriend in the year above. We hooked up while they were together.
I told her it wasn't going to continue till she broke up with him I realize it was a dick move after the fact, to hook up with her when she had a boyfriend, but its not like she was resistant. She did break up with him and we got together.
I ended up hating my life after a few months. I was jealous, I couldn't trust her, and there was no lack of guys willing to do what I had done. I dreaded her calls and texts, I had to change my ringtones because it filled me with anxiety for months after we broke up. She was completely willing to progress the relationship, I had no time for friends and I broke it off. I was making calls to friends begging to go over their house for the weekend because I felt like I wasn't in control of my life, all I was doing was reacting to her.
This was pretty much all my own doing; she was who she was, and I was who I was. An immature young kid. I learned from it.
She likes me, but she has a boyfriend. What do I do?
It's still a little awkward if I see her which I haven't in years. I feel bad about how I behaved, I could've handled it much better. Trust is very important to me as a result. You learned the lesson but in a lot less hurtful way than had you been the other guy.
This is what I hope for in society that people realize what they've done and what the people who've agreed to it are thinking and lose trust in those people and become much better people themselves. You grew and came out better off. Took me one more relationship after that to learn about myself, and what I wanted.
How long she remains my girlfriend, and not my wife, is only a matter of circumstance. I saw her and thought "wow she's gorgeous. Turns out that she had already broken up with him at that point but he basically refused to accept that. Hilarious, if his family werent the lunatics of the town.
Should i hook up with a girl that has a boyfriend
I'll let you guys know at some point, waiting one out, its an international relationship, an entire ocean between, shouldn't be long. So I'm a freshman in college, and I was never very good with people so this girl was the first I had ever asked out.
I had been talking to her for about a month, but we didn't hang out a lot outside of class. I had checked out her facebook and it said she was single, so I decided to grow a pair and ask her out after helping her with something for Calc.
She told me she had a boyfriend and said no. I pretty much immediately backed off. I really didn't want to interfere with that relationship any more than letting her know I liked her. The worst part about it was that she immediately said that she would be willing to go see Ant-Man with me if I wanted. I really wasn't into that idea considering that was gonna be where i took her for a first date, and I didn't want things to be awkward between us.
I still like her, and oddly enough we started hanging out more after I asked her than we ever did before, so i guess it worked out okay.
I don't know how she feels about me, but if her relationship doesn't work out a possibility considering she decided to go to school across the country from him and I feel like she's interested I might go for it again. Pursuing a woman with a husband or boyfriend is wrong. Anyone who does really should rethink their life decisions. My story can be somewhat different, I have a lot of girl friends no dashes guys.
So I had one that I was seeing a lot, weekly even more, and I always I promess considered her a friend.
How to Hook Up with a Girl Who Has a Boyfriend. with this girl, but it could affect your relationship with her boyfriend or other mutual friends. I'd say, if you start it by coming onto her, it could be morally wrong. .. girls who have no boyfriend lack one for a reason because they're nuts.
She had a boyfriend of 9 months and one day she dropped him, a few days later she told me she was thinking about me a lot and wanted to try it. It's now been a year and we are going strong, so Yea, a lot think I stole her, maybe I did I was pursued heavily by a girl who had been dating an acquaintance for years.
We had all hung out one night, I guess she thought I was funny and she asked me for my number on Facebook for "mass texts".How To Hook Up With A Girl Who Has A Boyfriend
I'm really stupid. Anyway, I gave it to her, and we started texting a lot - always with her initiating, but I didn't mind talking to her. I had a crush on her single friend and I definitely tried a little harder than normal to be charming and funny, without ever being flirty, in the hopes that she'd have nice things to say about me if I ever came up in conversation.
Anyway, one night she gets hammered and kisses me, says she's had a huge crush on me for a while, wants to have sex. I turn her down. She explains her relationship is basically over, and I had heard this from other people as well. She said she had never done anything like this and I believed her. I told her we could keep hanging out and see where things go if she officially broke off her relationship with my acquaintance.
She did, we dated for a year or so, and she cheated on me. She didn't end up dating that guy. He was married and turned into a real jerk crazy! Part of me feels like I kind of got what I deserved. I knew her BF first - that was how I met her. He was a good guy. He later assured me the relationship was dead and didn't hold a grudge. Anyway, I know there are cases where this happens and the new couple actually does well together.
I convinced myself this was one of those times. It wasn't. If I run into it again, I'm staying far away. Surprisingly well, actually. All but one I didn't know about the other guy at the time, only learning of it much later each time One called her while we were in the act.
When she finished with "I love you" I was more than a little confused. What sucks is the one I knew about was married, and I knew her husband which I still feel shitty about, years later.
I really liked her, and if she wasn't married I could have seen marying her eventually. I called if off after a year, when I started seeing someone else.
As fucked as it is, even after being the other man so often, I couldn't bring myself to cheat on someone. Lady I knew complained about her boyfriend all the time and was basically done with him.
So, we hooked up. She moved out, we had a little fling thing but Or was and then got back together without telling me? Or something? It was weird. All weird. Never again. I've never thought to myself hey I don't care if that girls taken or not I'm going to go for it, but I have a dirty sense of humor and if someone's into it can lead to a lot of flirting. Got drunk at a party woke up to an invitation. She was naked and offered "breakfast" I bounced.
She was the bosses live in girlfriend I was hung over and had no idea how to handle the situation. The calls and the flirtation slowed down then stopped when I stopped working for the company. I started snap chatting the friend of a girl I was into at her request. She had a long term boyfriend. Next thing I know we exchange numbers we are spending every waking moment texting good morning texts goodnight texts went on for like 3 months she broke up with her boyfriend and we Planned to meet up she lived like an hour away.
But then her ex made her feel like shit about it. That combined with the fact that her friend kind of liked me too and was giving her the guilt trip we never even ended up meeting in person. She had a boyfriend, I had a girlfriend and both of our relationships were shit.
We just clicked, dumped our respective partners and started seeing each other. A group of mutual friends gave us so much shit but I have to tell you, after 5 years, it was totally worth it. I started talking to my SO online when he had a girlfriend. We hit it off well, too well, so I stopped talking to him because I felt guilty. A few months passed, checked in on him and he was single so we both went for it.
I guess just hope for the best and expect the worse. But if they are still trying to maintain a relationship on the side that seems like a red flag. She had a boyfriend who I was friendly with but not close and she ended up talking to me everyday and still does for the past 8 months. She was with him for about 4 years. Her boyfriend was emotionally abusive and I was there to help her through it.
In that time she was depressed and had thoughts of suicide because of how badly he was treating her as well as other factors going on. I hung out with her on a weekly basis since February but it was all casual. Mostly trips to the mall or just hanging out in public places. Around the time school ended in June she essentially broke up with him to be with me because of how close we were getting, how well we clicked, and how comfortable we were with each other.
We're currently together and very happy. She lost her feeling of depression and suicidal thoughts and is in an overall better state than she was before. I have. I was in college at the time and I had a crush on my German TA. She was very friendly with me, and I mistook that for her flirting with me. We had a little end of the semester party at a hookah bar near campus. I had a few beers and decided to make my move. I asked her what she was doing afterwards.
She didn't have anything going on, so I said her and I should go to a bar up the road and have a few drinks. She declined and said she had a boyfriend back home in Germany. I said I wouldn't tell. Got a firm no. Chugged the rest of my beer and went home. I don't feel bad about it. She was fine as hell, and I wanted to bang. Eh this was many years ago, but I kind of had two back-to-back. Both just kind of happened and weren't really premeditated and not so surprisingly, both happened while I was an overnight stocker at Walmart.
But here goes It was insane, and the small respites to talk to two pretty cashiers was always welcomed. One evening I came in while I was off work to pick up my check and do a little browsing, and Ashley was just getting off of work. When we got there she kind of panicked at the site of the house being completely dark, and no cars being there. So I brought her over to my place for her to spend the night.
My intentions at this point were still pure, mind you. It was okay. I really expected him to try and fight me right there, but I get the feeling he expected this of her.
After all that, the other one happened not too longer afterwards. Basically she was another overnight stocker who was dating yet another overnight stocker.
We messed around for a bit, he found out but again never found out it was actually me, and around that time I stopped working at Walmart and we fell out of contact. I also have a different outlook on relationships as most people. We just talked and talked and talked. So much talking. About absolutely everything. A few weeks into it I realised where it was heading, but the alternative was to go back to being lonely and to just cut somebody out of your life when you've already made such a strong connection would be silly.
There was always the chance it would peter out which it did a few years down the line within the first couple of months, but when you get to the point where you think to yourself "hey, this is special" and she's thinking the same then it seems silly not to go ahead, even though somebody else might be upset.
Either way, at least one person will be unhappy, and if you eventually meet somebody you like a lot more why would you stay with the first person just because they claimed dibs? It's not a pleasant thing to do, but neither is staying with somebody after realising that they aren't exactly what you want. I met my current SO way back in high school. We dated back then, but overzealous and abusive parents made it so it was hard to see each other.
We broke up and went our separate ways. Fast forward five or six years and I'm just out of a divorce with my ex wife. Bad economy, no job, no home but a shed converted into a bedroom thank god it had electricityand a lot of depression was my life. So I figured of see what she was up to. At the time I was just looking for a friend. She was with a much older man and I wasn't looking to interfere.
[Serious] Guys who have went after girls with boyfriend, how did that work out It's stupid because if a girl is the type to get something on the side going, she'll. So I hooked up with this girl and she had a boyfriend but now they are done and When I say you are compatible, I mean it should be a great. And if she was REALLY his, there's not a thing you could've done to get her trust me. If a girl has a boyfriend with her at a party or club and she's upset at him and . princess ran off and hooked up with some guy she met at a dive bar ( you).
But then I saw signs of abuse from him, and I talked to her about it and she told me she was looking to get out of it. Fast forward another five years and we are still going strong.
I felt bad in a way - I lost my ex to another guy - but her situation screamed "get me out. She's got a laundry list of problems, some still rooted in that relationship, but she's honestly a lot better off now than with that scumbag.
To be fair I didn't know she had a boyfriend. In college I asked out a girl in my class and said she was "kind of seeing someone". A couple of months later of talking everyday in class class I asked again, same response but she wasn't sure if it would last.
Couple more months and she asks me out. Turns out she had broken up with a two year cohabitating boyfriend, she said the relationship had gone father than she intended custody of the dog far but I didn't think about that comment enough. And unfortunately I was about a year out of a very long relationship and missing the stability and comfort of a partner. Honestly I had no business subjecting someone to me at that time. So while she was enjoying freedom from a smothering relationship I was looking for someone to stick into a hole in my life whether she fit or not.
Moral of story: just because she leaves her boyfriend in no way means she left him for you. From my one 3 month attempt my results show that you should not expect her to leave the boyfriend for you despite how much she's into you and how much shit she talks about the boyfriend.
She was legitimately surprised when I called things off and begged me to give her another chance. I gave her 1 more week and she still couldn't break up with the boyfriend. I travelled for a year some time ago, I was amazed at how many girls I met who had significant others back home. When meeting one I would ask how long they planned on being away and if they were returning to the guy.
Inevitably they would say they were going back to him; but basically if your willing to leave your other half behind for six months to a year whilst you head off to "find yourself" your just not brave enough to admit to that person you aren't in a committed relationship anymore.
For whatever reason you've grown apart and they no longer have a hold on you too keep you there. I had been in a very similar situation prior to leaving the UK and ending my three year relationship was the best thing I did before went that lass and I are still great friends. So when encountering any such miss " X years Commitment" in some smoky bar on the far side of the world I felt obliged to demonstrate just how much in denial they were, generally by accomplishing the act of sleeping with them.
This wasn't a targeted assault on the taken females of this world just a situation that I stumbled upon time and again. I the end it worked out amazingly as I'm happily married to one such "seven years committed" and feel that I saved her from returning to the life of abject mediocrity that she had the courage to escape from in the first place.
Girl here. I had a crush on a guy with a girlfriend for a while, but never went for it. Turns out he liked me a lot too, and went for it. At first I went with it, but backed out before it went to far, because morals.
This whole thing caused a couple of facepalms from people who knew what was going on. Currently married 7 years, together for So went really well. He made it really easy for me. I knew I loved her from the moment I saw her. I had to be with her. We now have 3 kids and it's been the easiest relationship I've ever had. We just clicked Her guy was cheating, my girl was Aaa anyway It just worked out Here we are now, seven years to the day later and set to be we'd in December So yeah it worked out I suppose.
Okay so kind of a long story. Basically there was this girl I'd been chatting to online met her on Tumblr who lived in the same city at me, she seemed really cool and I fancied her quite a bit but she had a boyfriend of three years so I thought "ah fair enough, sucks but whatever". Anyway so then one night I'm at a nightclub and end up running into her and we ended up just chatting about music in the smoking area for an hour.
Anyway a few days later she asked if I was going out again which I was for a friends birthday and she said she'd see me out, when I got there she immediately ditched her mates to come hang out with me and we hung out all night. Anyway when it comes to 3am and the club was kicking out she asked where I was going now and I said "back to mine, I have pizza in the fridge" and she asked if she could come with as she likes pizza.
I know what you're all thinking "Oh it was obvious she wanted to come back for another reason" but cause she had a boyfriend I thought in no way was that her intention, anyway she comes back we hang out and end up watching the Simpsons together on my bed till we both fall asleep and we wake up spooning.
The day after she basically invited herself over to hang out again and then yeah, she made is really fucking obvious she wanted me to kiss her and yeah she cheated on her boyfriend with me.
This carried on for a month and then she broke up with him, we were seeing each other for a month after that and then I graduated from uni and moved back home about a 3 hours drive away. She came to visit me once and then a little while after that she says she kind of missed her ex and wanted to hang with us "both as friends" for a week to see how it was? Anyway a week or so later of me being an anxious wreck about it we were chatting and she tells me she wants to try to make things with with those other bloke again and that was that.
Poor bloke never found out she cheated on him for so long and I regret the part I played in all this, I remember once she was in my bed and he rang her up after work and asked if he could pick her up so they could go down the Casino with his pals, and she lied and said she was ill and didn't feel like it. What a horrible cunt she was in hindsight. He didn't like my advice and decided to hit me.
After the first punch, I told him he hits like a girl and turned my back on him to walk away. He stood there in stunned silence, but let me walk away. We never talked again, he beat his GF so bad, she had a miscarriage and ended up in the hospital, and she still protected him by saying she didn't know who did it.
Every girlfriend I've had has had a boyfriend when I first meet them. The answer to all your questions lies within this thread. Uh, hell yeah it's wrong! Married or not, when two people are in a relationship together they are supposed to be able to trust one another. You wouldn't like it if someone did that to you. And just because they would cheat anyway doesn't mean that you should be the one they cheat with.
Be the better man. There are plenty of single girls out there and your respect for relationships and integrity will be admired. If it's not then the person probably doesn't have a whole lot and you can do better. Not unless you like the boyfriend. Its not your fault, her man's not doing his job. But you also might end up 2nd choice often, so id hook up a lil bit and then back off and find other chicks. If she really wants you, she'll dump her man and come to you.
But also keep in mind, she might do the same thing to you. Suprised and dissapointed this hasnt been said yet. Why would you? Find some single cheating lier to bang you. Originally Posted by MantisShrimp. Almost every girl keeps around a token "boyfriend" while she sorts through other potential upgrades. Most of the girls who have no boyfriend lack one for a reason Is it worth the risk? Plan out what you want to say. Frame this conversation carefully, so she knows you are not making demands of her.
Ask a friend talk out the scenario with you to work out any kinks. Your friend can give you perspective on your choices of words. Build up your courage. Not only could this admission change your relationship with this girl, but it could affect your relationship with her boyfriend or other mutual friends, if you have them. Fear signals that the outcome is important to you. Tell her. When you're alone with her, say something along the lines of: "Caitlin, I know that you're dating Sam, and I don't want to mess anything up for you, but I've started to have feelings for you.
I want you to know. Respect her response. It is important, especially if you want to remain friends, to accept and respect her response. She may tell you that she does not feel the same way. Rejection is painful, but it is one of the ways that we reduce our ego and grow.
This is harder to accept, because it feels like there is a glimmer of hope, but once she tells you her decision to stay with her boyfriend, you need to move on. If you accept her response, you will be better able to move forward and search for a romantic connection elsewhere. Method 2. Establish yourself as a constant in her life. If you want a shot with her, you need to see her regularly Join her friend group.
Ingratiate yourself to her best friends. If her friends hold you in high regard, chances are she will, too. Being part of her friend group ensures that you will be invited to events that she will be attending. Get her phone number. Wait for a natural opportunity to ask for her number. You were having a conversation and it was cut off? Ask for her number so you can continue talking. Perfect reason to make sure you have her number.
Highlight your good qualities. Do you have a great sense of humor? Are you empathetic and open to talking about your feelings? Slip these traits into your conversation with her or her friends. Find the weak points in her current relationship.
Casually ask her about her relationship. Store this information.